The Speech No One Will Give This Memorial Day Weekend (Satire)

Kristopher Keyes
4 min readMay 29, 2022

Rekindle our nation’s honor through remembrance

Close up view of a microphone with the audience blurred out in the background
Photo by Ilyass SEDDOUG on Unsplash

Dear Citizens aka humans born and residing in the U.S.,

Close your eyes, mostly because that seems to be half the problem these days and think about what it is you want from this nation. Don’t blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

The last thing we need to hear is more nonsense parroted by average Joes, Janes, and Jordans. Don’t belt out garbage from fear mongers you’ve never had at your home (television or electronic devices don’t count.)

Stop acting like f*cking cry babies who think they can decide everything for everyone.

You can’t. I don’t give you that power. In fact, the power you covet can and will be snatched from your warm, self-serving, race-baiting hands with votes. Which is why, oh look, more legislation attacking voters who despise being picked on because of how they look.

Maybe, just maybe, the crowns are too heavy for all the wannabe kings and queens of the United States. Your will be done, never. Not while democracy lives. Now, if you’re serious about all this being erased nonsense, let’s invite England back to the table.

Do you really want to undo 1776 and EVERYTHING that led to it, because you don’t recognize the persecution of human beings in this modern day setting? Ran from the crown to wear your own crown?

At least they have their poop together as far as blood rules and ain’t no ass or elephant zookeeper politics cross-canceling their existence in between election cycles.

We poison the well broadcasting fear, weakness, and EVERYTHING that would have kept the country under British rule, for what? Race isn’t helping or hurting our existence.

It’s our ignorance multiplied that tears the fabric of our nation one thread at a time. Nothing else.

Stop putting weakness and petulance on display like no one knows what real right from wrong is.

A knee on a neck is bad. FULL STOP.

Attacking our nation’s Capital is deplorable. FULL STOP.

A car stop should never be a death sentence. FULL STOP.



Kristopher Keyes

I write to be free and share to help others. Enjoying the journey one day at a time.